Absence

With relief you have left,

with grief you can’t come back.

I didn’t expect finality to be so — permanent,

even when I hoped for it.

Your departure has invaded my life,

I can’t escape your intrusion,

when I draw, when I read, when I drive, when I sleep.

You were less in my thoughts when you were still here,

I find you everywhere,

I can’t remember everything anymore.

You never answered my questions,

I ask them anyways,

imaginary conversations,

new and old,

over and over.

I am helpless to your influence,

you are encoded in my cells,

out of my control,

out of my life,

always there.