In The Moment

I have an emotional procrastination problem. In the moment, it’s hard for me to react with anything more than a shrug and let’s move on. But two weeks later? I’ll be fuming, rehearsing imaginary conversations where I systematically break the offender's spirit with my inspired arguments.

Showers are the best place to be angry. I have written enough speeches, monologues, comebacks, and takedowns to fill a football field while washing my hair.

I have always been confused by the “in the moment feelers.” After my master’s program announced the switch to remote learning, two of my colleagues grew despondent. They were upset that our entire educational track was about to change for the worse. I couldn’t understand why they weren’t accepting the new normal. Weeks later, like clockwork it hit me and I was the inconsolable one.

I’ve wondered why anger seems to be the hardest emotion for me to feel. It could be the social conditioning women go through, in order to be pleasant and non-confrontational. My mother would leave the house when she was angry, rather than lashing out like my yaya does. And if it’s about someone I care about, I will fly into action in their defense. But if it’s about me?

I’ll duke it out in the shower later, while I’m waiting for my hair mask to finish setting in.